im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
