Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
