some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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