My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't turn off my feet"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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