we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
