He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
