So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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