Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
