i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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