wakey wakey hands off snakey
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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