I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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