you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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