possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
