I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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