I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
