i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
