Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
