I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
