did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Randomize
