I need help removing her.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
