I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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