I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
