I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
