oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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