NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
