she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
