I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
