What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
