How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
