the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
this will be a night to untag.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
