Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
