I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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