Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
