Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
