Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
