After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
