I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
