you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
