I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
