Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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