We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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