make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
