I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
