I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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