I'm so fucking centered right now
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
