I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
