Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
