guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
