Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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