You're so nebulous sometimes
"it" just moved
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
